naluluha na ako dito sa harap ng monitor. ewan ko ba... ilang days in  a row na akong depressed. but i don't feel like talking about it. i have these bottled-up feelings and i don't know what to do with them. pramis... nag-ipon-ipon na lahat. ang depressing na talaga. ayaw ko na...

I WANNA SLEEP!!!

The retreat last weekend was more than what I expected it to be. Although I felt two and a half days weren't enough, i believe I made the most out of it.

As cliche as it may seem. the retreat made me appreciate the simplest but most important things in life. It made me realize that despite the many hardships I've been going through, I am still blessed and loved by God. It made me appreciate the presence of my parents, my sisters. It made me realize that although my family may not be the perfect one, it's the only one i have and it's the best i could ever have. Like God, my parents only want what's best for me and they really love me. It also made me appreciate the presence of my friends, the things they do for me and the fact that i grow because of them.

It also made me realize that not everything that we want is the best for us. When the Lord does not give us the things we want, it's only His own way of saying that it's not the best for us, something better is out there, something big, something beautiful.

The retreat made me realize that God always gives us a second chance. He specifically used the retreat for me to settle a conflict with a certain person. He used the retreat to make me realize that friendship is more important(and it's the best we could have Ü. [To this person, who apparently reads my blog unexpectedly, you know who you are. Thank you and sorry for all the hurt i may have caused. I shouldn't have done what i have done before but i'm thankful taht we're friends again. Good luck! You are a nice person and i am sorry i unconsciously made my mind think that you were not]

The retreat also made me thank the Lord for the past fourteen years of my life in the best possible way I could think of. He showed me that although the last fourteen was a blast, the fifteenth and all others would be better.

The retreat made me realize a lot of things. It made me realize that the best way to live life is to live it God's way. It made me realize that our faith, whether it be for God, for our family, for our friends or for ourselves, is very important in a relationship.

With God, everything is indeed possible. I am so glad i did not hesitate a bit in attending the retreat.

It enhanced my relationship with my family, especially with my mom, with my friends and especially with God.

An entry would not fully describe the greatness of the retreat for God's power is unfathomable. But looking back, the retreat is just one evidence of how great He is.

Let us all be warriors for Christ.

i don't care if the seating arrangement for the prom is due on december ALREADY... i don't care even though i know by that time i probably still won't have a date. i don't care even if i just learned that your partner in the cotillion should be your date. i don't care that i want to join the cotillion but am probably going stag. i don't care that he already asked someone to go to the prom with him.

i don't care...

but i'll tell all of you  a little secret. i have an str paper due tomorrow. we need to present for pop. law tomorrow about piracy. and i have tons of other things to read and research about....

but here i am, telling all of you that i don't caRE.

fatima=pathetic

i have so many things running in my mind that i want to let out... the ironic part however, is that i can't seem to find the words to tell them. and i hate the fact that i am going senti again. as in really senti. with all the staring-into-the-blank-space thing and the i'm-almost-crying-for-no-apparent-reason stuff.

and it just occurred to me that christmas is fast approaching.

and my body or brain or whatever is not used to work anymore. i am always sleeping whatever chance i get. my body or brain or whatever is asking for its payback already.

and... i sucked at the english impromptu speech awhile ago. i went way beyond the two minute time limit. i think half of my grammar was wrong. i acted super maarte and autistic in front. and while everyone was laughing at everyone's speeches, they didn't in mine. i've three theories. (1) my speech was too serious. or (2) my speech was too dull. or (3) i spoke in an entirely different language. whatever it was, i hated it.

anyway... i am becoming too talkative. i have to stop now. or else, i won't get things done. i won't get a lot of things done.

i found the link to Pam Pastor's blog in ray2's blog. I actually do not know her since i am not exactly a super! reader. The only thing I read in PDI is youngblood.

Well... she is actually an incredible writer. I read almost the whole of her blog without getting a slight tinge of boredom.

Aside from that, i've been introduced to the world of schu. i have to go to galle or mega to check out their store. their flats are adorable. *hint**belated birthday present**hint*

since ray2 tagged me and the thing seems to be fun, here it is...

Write 20 Random Facts About Yourself, Then Tag The Same Number Of People As Minutes It Takes You To Write The Facts. If You're Tagged, It's Your Turn.

1. i just turned 15 last, last, last saturday.

2. i am part of YFC and very proud of it.

3. i half regret, half like studying in pisay.

4. i am currently in confused status although i know i shouldn't be.

5. i am a freaking hopeless romantic.

6. i love bag and wallets. peole can testify to that... Ü

7. i am part of a family of 5, with two sisters.

8. i have so many frustrations. some of which are: to be a professional fashion stylist, to be candy mag's e-i-c, to be a starbucks barista, to have my own room, etc.

9. i love my family.

10. i listen to ancient music. (well, not very ancient... but old, still...)

11. i love pink, red and blue.. i am starting to love violet and orange.

12. i mix up my priorities sometimes.

13. i have this tendency to have crushes on atenistas, whether or not i know that they are before i have a crush on them.

14. i suck at impromptu speeches.

15. i wanna write about many things but can't seem to find the time and the talent and the skill to do so.

16. i am afraid of confession for seam unfathomable reason.

17. i love to read chick lits and romance novels.

18. i am such an impulsive buyer.

19. i love to eat.

20. i love to blog-hop.

since i finished the thing in 14 minutes, i will tag: clar, nico, krishna, jovi, charm, joanna, kimmy, lou, mari, patrick, ryan, shayne, aj and dane. (obvious bang sila ung mga nasa links ko? Ü

plan a, failed

crush on scrunchie, still present...

switch to plan b

make friends...

that's the closest i'll ver get...

Clarisse and i were in one of those talks again.. It started out with me, venting out my feelings about a certain frustration. I needed to vent out my feelings and i can't find someone to share it with but her. So there, i texted her asking if i could call which is just one way of telling her that i would, indeed, call.

i blurted out my feelings about this certain thing. said my frustrations about this certain thing. and almost cried as i did so.

as with all other conversations, we started talking about entirely different things. and... we philosophized...

today, i realized two things.

(1) we should not fail to recognize the simplest things. sometimes, because of the thinking that every thing has a deeper meaning, we fail to realize things in their simplest form. sometimes, we have to learn to see what's on the surface. sometimes, the very thing we are looking for is there, staring at us, on the very surface of the thing we're looking at. sometimes, we get too blinded by the excitement of knowing what's inside when in fact there's something better outside. coverings and wrappers (especially beautiful ones) are there for a reason. (how ironic of me to talk about appreciating the outside when about three-fourths of the population is talking about how the inside matters more)

(2) some things happen not for a reason. some things happen just because they do. in short, may mga baagay na... wala lang... this is somewhat connected with the first realization. because we tend to overwhelm ourselves with the deeper things, we tend to think that behind every thing is a greater meaning. minsan, may mga nangyayaring bagay out of nowhere. minsan kasi, iniisip natin na amy dahilan ung mga bagay na nagyayari pero wala naman talaga. ang nangyayari tuloy, umaasa tayo, umaasa, umaasa pa ng kaunti at umaasa. pero sa totoo, wala naman tayong inaasahan.

so gets niyo na kung bakit ko ginawa ang post na ito?

haay.. depressing.. lalo na yung shinare sakin kanina...

sorry clarisse if i making you feel guilty but really, i was better off not knowing that...

and i still don't have a prom date... i was planning to dedicate an entry for specifications for possible applicants... Ü but then again, i found it too egoistic... and besides, everybody i know from pisay who reads my blog is taken (read: may prom date na!)