ayan.. marami akong gustong sabihin.. hindi ko nga lang alam kung saan magsisimula.. anyway...

super nakakaloka ang week na ito... nakakapagod.. kahit maghapon lang akong nakaupo.. feeling mas nakakapagod pag ung utak ko ung pinapagana ko kesa pag katawan... hayy..

perpetually late na talaga kami ni nico sa lsc.. kakahiya... baka isipin nila paimportante kami...

tapos nakakatuwa ang mga lunch experiences namin. well.. kanina lang ung nakakatuwa. pero nung monday, ang cute nung kinainan namin. eggs ung chairs.

para kaming mga timang kanina. nagsisigaw ba naman kami sa sidewalk ng ateneo ng "tricycle!" pinagtitinginan na nga kami eh... tapos tsaka lang namin na-realize na meron palang inimbentong tricycle terminal. haaayyy... mga taga-bundok... impurness, nakakatuwa ung tricycle ride to the other side of katipunan. haha.. wala lang.. tapos nang makarating na kami ng mcdo, nagulat kami nang ang aming ibang mga kasama ay nandun na pala. tapos nung tinanong namin sila kung pano sila pumuntang mcdo, sabi nila nilakad lang daw nila. amazing grace! ang engot tuloy g feeling ko nun. at to think na nauna pa kaming lumabas sa kanila ha.. tapos, dapat pala sa mcdo na lang ako kakain ng lunch everyday. kahit maging super-sized me pa ako, i don't curr.. (nyek.. raw...) impurness, maganda ang scenery dun.. kailangan ring matignan ang jollibee... hmmm... kaya lang parang puro pang-umaga ata ang mga prospectables.

nakakadrain ung aspc.. pero kanina hindi masyado. ang galing ko kasi. napaka-useful ko... pero impurness, nakakapagod magpaikutikot ng chair ha.. tsaka talon ako ng talon kakacheer para sa aking mga napakagagaling na groupmates... GO TEAM 12!!!

at ang napakagandang line-up ng aming team: paul-interpreter ng mga problems; ivan-the human compiler; at si fatima-checklist. huh?? ano kaya un? anyway.. ok lang na checklist ako basta magkakaron ako ng microsoft na jacket. bwahahahaha... GO TEAM 12!!!

ayun.. ang barney ng outfit ko kanina. i was violet all over..

tapos, dahil tinatamad na ako, last na lang. message para kay CLAR, ROB at NICO. YUNG MGA SPECULATIONS NYO AT MGA PSYCHOLOGICAL CHUVANESS, PABAWAS NG KONTI. BAKA PANIWALAAN KO NA YAN... LALO LANG AKONG MASASAKTAN...

hay nako.. nagkaroon na ako ngayon ng isa pang proof na malabo na talaga ang mga mata ko..

hayy.. kaya warning! kung may crush kayo, wag niyo siyang hahanapin sa friendster.. matatakot lang kayo.. hayy..

hindi pala siya ganun ka-gwapo contrary to what i believed a while ago. cute lang talaga siya ngumiti.. haayy.. kaya lang chickboy naman daw eh... tsaka duh.. asa pa fatima.. besides, di naman seryosong crush un eh..

EDIT: ung una pa rin ung pinakagwapo sa lahat ng outside-school crushes ko..

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go team 12! go microsoft jacket! woohoo..

ahaha... di na ako useless sa aking team.... omg!!! omg!!!

i've been putting off writing an entry regarding the aspc in general. yesterday was overwhelming and writing just about anything would not do it justice.

to tell you the truth, last thursday, the fact that the camp's about to end didn't dawn on me. no, not just yet. it didn't occur to me that the day after would be the last day of the camp and that there's a very big possibility that i wouldn't be seeing all the non-pisay people ever again. i was very busy on searching my newfound crush at friendster.com that i wasn't able to think of how i could maximize the time i have left in camp.

despite the fact that i used friendly to describe me, i was far from friendly. i regretted doing that. anyway. although most of the messages i wrote in the paper thing were sort of a template, i meant those. to all those campers who i've never made an effort to know better, sorry.

and now, to those people who made the camp extra special.

to kim, thank you for allowing me to be your partner for a day. sorry if i was so panic-y and all. thank you for keeping up with me.

to rai, thank you too for grouping with me and clarisse and working really hard. thank you, thank you.. thank you for being friendly to us during the first day.

to miggy and kevin, thank you for being friendly to us and sharing the table with us during the first day. kevin, kahit bata ka pa, i bet mas bata pa rin ako sa'yo. ÜÜÜ

Edit: to patrizia, thank you for being friendly and accompanying us to the cafeteria. 

to the lecturers, thank you for teaching us and sharing us a part of your knowledge. 

to the organizers(kuya neill, ate gretch, ate steph, kuya eli, kuya mic, kuya kennie), thank you for helping us all throughout the camp, for being very friendly and for accommodating us to the best yor abilities. special thanks to ate steph for being very patient in debugging my programs.

to someone(si rob, clar at nico lang ang nakakaalam nito, in short, hindi to si scrunchie), for being gwapo when you smile and making me kilig last wednesday and thursday... haha...

to sir anton, thank you for telling us about the camp. sir, if not for you, i wouldn't have liked programming at all. and thank you for eating with us and fetching us from the ateneo..  

to nico, kahit hindi kita naging groupmate during aspc, thank you. ang hyper mo. and thank you for always going with me to lsc. kahit gusto mong magtutor link, nag lsc ka pa rin. you kept me in great company for the past two weeks.

to rob, thank you for being a fun groupmate... nakakuha ako ng acm shirt nung magkakagroup tayo ni ivan. wee! 

to clar, same here. wala akong masabi sa'yo. actually, marami.. kaya i'd rather say it to you personally or through phone. basta, thank you for everything. for listening me rant, for always telling me i would do good. if not for you (Edited part starts here), i would have lost faith in myself regarding programming.

to ivan and paul(yes, you too would come in a pair... Ü thank you for being my super magaling, super makulit and super nice groupmates... thank you for keeping up with my auti ways. thank you for always doing your best and inspiring me to do mine, too. if not for the two of you, i most probably wouldn't have that jacket. ivan, thank you for the very beautiful prayer last thursday. thank you for believing in me. i'm looking forward to working with the two of you again, if you'd allow me too. thank you at ginawa niyo akong groupmate nung itinakwil nila ako. huhuhu... ÜÜÜ GO TEAM 12!!!

in roughly 6 hours, my family and i will be off to the cold city of Baguio. wee!! i haven't been there for years.. it's now time to put my camera to a more rigorous test. since two of my pamangkins wil be going with us, with tour Baguio like novices. wee!! kodakan to the max na ituh... (well, in this case, it's canon). i'd be away for one week because on wednesday, we'd go to zambales right after baguio to celebrate the rest of the Holy Week and my dad's birthday.

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much to my dismay, the microsoft jacket that we've so tiringly worked for is now zipperless. while trying it on awhile ago, the zipper just broke. actually, only the thing you pull up and down. nonetheless, i would be using it for the trip. i'll just have it fixed when we get back.

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i've been trying to upload the aspc graduation photos in my multiply site but it just takes too long. so i would probably be doing all the posting when i get back. wish me luck. so far, ive only posted four photos. so if ever you're still interested, just check my multiply at http://bittersweet041.multiply.com

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i watched the family stone awhile ago and it was really tearjerking, plus the fact that it was so full of big stars. well, not really that BIG, but big nonetheless. watch it. it's fun.

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my sister and i finally finished watching the 16 cds of full house. after a year, i would now be able to give it back to ray2. it was really fun watching it..

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it's almost a year since i had a crush on you. still, you're effect on me has not yet diminished. actually, it had grown bigger over time. i now have two months ahead of me of not seeing you, of not hearing you. i'm not sure whether i want to forget all about this feeling i have for you. i just have to let it be and let it take its course. these past few days were very confusing. i don't know if i could still hold on or just let it go. the past few days weren't any better in helping me choose. how i wish i could know the answer.. Lord, help me. i don't want the way i'm feeling right now.

(yak. ang senti)

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since i'd be away for a week, and will probably be blog-less, lulubus-lubusin ko na to.

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things i wanna do before i turn 30:

1. to be able to finish college
2. to have a laser eye surgery or whatever it is that they do so that you would get uber clear eyes in a snap..
3. to be able to serve actively in cause-oriented organizations like Gawad Kalinga in the improvement of our society
4. to be able to help my parents in sending my youngest sister to school
5. to be able to help the country and give back the favor it has given me
6. to be able to go on a Marian pilgrimage especially to the place in Portugal where I got my name, Fatima
7. to be able to attend a World Youth Day
8. to be able to go to Vatican City and see the St. Peter’s Basilica and the Sistine Chapel
9. to be able to go to Paris and have a very good time
10. to be able to get a master’s degree, most probably an MBA
11. to be able to learn how to drive and have my own car
12. to be able to inspire even just one person in what I do
13. to be able to find someone to be with for the rest of my life (asus..) or if I was called to do so, dedicate my life to HIM, above all else

ayan.. oo... alam ko.. bakit naging 13 pa? eh yan lang knaya eh.. dadagdagan ko na lang sometime.. sige.. babush na.. Ü

since i got back from my holy week vacation, i lost the urge and the will to blog. what was once a simple and enjoyable task seemed too tedious to me now. plus the fact that i still need to download the hundreds of photos i've taken during the holy week and wait for forever to upload them. this summer is really tiring. and i still have this four-hour-long review classes that i have to attend everyday. it starts at 1 pm and ends at 5 pm. it takes almost an hour to go to katipunan so i have to get out of the house at around 12 noon or earlier if i have "appointments". it takes up most of my day since i'm not exactly a morning person, am i? the only motivation i have in attending these classes is the fact that i desperately want an ateneo scholarship. you'd probably find that odd since most pisay students prioritize up of all the schools. i just have this affinity for ateneo and i don't why. plus, they have the courses that i want and the courses that could help me lead a fulfilling life.

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have you ever experienced the instance wherein you just suddenly think of the past and think of all the what-ifs? i've had many of this instances but one that strikes me the most is when i suddenly think what if i stayed? would my high school life be more smashing? or would it be a crappy one? would i be the nerdy type? would i focus on my studies more? would i be an outcast? would i be popular? sometimes i wish i stayed. if i did, i probably would be thinner. (yes, i think i would be) i would happily be able to take communication arts, guilt-free. but then, was i ready to give up the life that i lovingly lived for the past three years. would i willingly give up the special training that is uniquely pisay, the training that honed me mentally, emotionally, physically(yes, physically) and especially socially? would i willingly give up the super heavy, thick and unintelligible books for those light, thin and super summarized books? would i give up my late-night "rendezvous" with my reams of bond paper, pads of one whole, bundles of writing paper and ever trusty writing material for late-night parties and soirees? would i? maybe not really. but still, a kikay pisay student can't help but wish sometimes that she was thinner, that she had lesser pimples and pimple marks(which by the way would most probably have been caused by all those late night "rendezvous", that she had a better social life and that she could have the right background to be the next candy magazine editor-in-chief or a super editor. oh well. she just have to remind herself not to visit her former schoolmates' blogs or their friendster accounts.

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if those things aren't motivation enough, i don't know what would. if those aren't motivation enough, i might as well be doomed  to be like this forever. go fatima! you can do this! the world is telling this to you, too!

ano ba kasi talaga?

sabi ng isang unrecognized source:

i want to want to let you go... but i can't... because you're woth holding on to... no matter how long...

sabi ni bob marley:

See, I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
'Cause it's summer is here
I'm still waiting there
Winter is here and I'm still waiting there

hayyy...

Waiting in Vain - Bob Marley 

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
From the very first time I blessed my eyes on you, girl
My heart says, "Follow through."
But I know now that I'm way down on your line
But the waiting feel is fine
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string
'Cause I know how to do my thing
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb
I wanna know when you're gonna come

See, I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
'Cause it's summer is here
I'm still waiting there
Winter is here and I'm still waiting there
Like I said,
It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And I still can knock some more
Ooh, girl, ooh, girl
Is it feasible, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more?

Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn while I'm waiting
While I'm waiting for my turn.

See, I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
Oh, I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
No, I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain.

It's your love that I'm waiting on
It's my love that you're running from.
(Repeat) 
 

On my Own (from Les Miserables) 

And now I'm all alone again,
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend,
Without a face to say hello to.
And now the night is near,
Now I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping.
I think of him, and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping.
The city goes to bed,
And I can live inside my head.

On my own,
Pretending he's beside me.
All alone,
I walk with him till morning.
Without him,
I feel his arms around me,
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me.

In the rain,
The pavement shines like silver.
All the lights
Are misty in the river.
In the darkness,
The trees are full of starlight,
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever.

And I know
It's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him.
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say,
There's a way for us.

I love him,
But when the night is over,
He is gone,
The river's just a river.
Without him,
The world around me changes.
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers.

I love him,
But every day I'm learning,
All my life,
I've only been pretending!
Without me,
His world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him...
I love him...
I love him...
But only on my own...